June 8th, 2018, 5:00 a.m.

This is it, its nights like this. I mention “nights like this” even though its the morning, but I haven’t slept yet. I blame my struggle with anxiety and the fact that I’ve been scrolling through old pictures and journals I have created. I simply miss the way my life used to be (I’m not at all complaining) but there are certain people in my life that I wish I could see again. I look at the many pictures in my old cell phones and cameras, scrapbooks, and I think to myself, how have I impacted the lives of others? I’ve always loved capturing certain moments with loved ones with a single picture (one picture so I could at least cherish my moments with them). I always wonder if I have made a positive impact in the lives of many individuals that I was once close to, or those that I am currently close to. I want to leave a legacy behind, the way my grandfather did in his community and even outside his community. I look up to my parents and grandparents because they know so many people in our neighborhood, and outside of the neighborhood. I wish to have a reputation where I could at least crack a smile on someone’s face. I remember going through an experience my senior year that made me doubt my self worth. I would sit in the hallways and eat alone thinking of what my future would be like, or if I even wanted one. I was denied to three universities I had applied to, and I made the decision to attend community college because my depression caused me to give up on my education. I stopped dancing for a while, until someone asked me to dance for the senior class at our last assembly. Somehow, I built up this reputation at my high school for my passion for dancing, and for continuously performing at school assemblies. I went from making a YouTube video on my channel, discussing suicide and my struggle to find hope, to giving it my all in one assembly performance. This two minute performance gave me hope that I struggled so hard to find. I struggled to find the courage to see a potential in my future, but when I received compliments that day from many other students and staff, I was motivated to attend community college, with plans of working towards my masters degree in the future. Iv’e built up a reputation for staying up till the morning because of my habit of over analyzing my life experiences, and now that I have anxiety, I try to not let the darkness get a hold of me . So I decided to type everything out, and paint an image in my mind. This image is inspired by the advice I received from my dad. I was discussing with my dad about how I want a reputation like my grandfather. Like my uncles, my dad, and the other male figures in my life, my grandfather was the backbone of my family, always protecting us from danger while maintaining a heart of gold. My father told me to build my legacy by staying on top of my education, and have faith in the process. I regret letting myself sink into sadness during my senior year in high school, because after dealing with heartbreak and humiliation that year, I turned everything around within my first year in college. I will take my dad’s advice and make my family proud by working all the way towards my master’s degree, and possibly my doctorates. I have so many dreams to build my own legacy.


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